


Clue

by LionessRinoaVIII



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dark Comedy, Drunk Quistis, Engaged Rinoa Heartilly and Squall Leonhart, Engagement, F/M, Flirty Quistis, Minor Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart, Murder Mystery, Play on Clue, References to Clue | Cluedo, Zell Has An Erection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25540858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionessRinoaVIII/pseuds/LionessRinoaVIII
Summary: A Clue-esque murder mystery! Silly little re-imagining of the board game Clue where General Caraway has been found dead in his mansion, while Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Zell and Quistis are interrogated by the guards. Someone trapped in Fury Caraway's study has committed a murder...the question is...who?
Relationships: Irvine Kinneas/Selphie Tilmitt, Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart, Zell Dincht/Quistis Trepe
Kudos: 6





	1. Murder at Caraway Mansion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xadrea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xadrea/gifts).



It had been a long, tiresome flight from the peaceful fishing community of  Balamb Town to the vast and glittering cityscape of  Deling City. General Fury Caraway had invited Squall and friends back to the mansion for a lavish party he wanted to throw in celebration of his daughters’ engagement. Considering  Rinoa’s relationship with her father, and his disdain for the relationship she had shared with Squall over the last few years, the band of friends were hesitant to say the least.  Selphie , however, being the ray of optimism that she generally was, had convinced everyone to fly in for the occasion. Maybe Caraway had changed his tune, she said. He wanted to be in  Rinoa’s life, she said. Squall didn’t buy it, but here they were, stepping into the stuffy familiar study of Caraway Mansion.

Squall slid an arm protectively around  Rinoa’s shoulder, smirking to himself as her diamond engagement ring twinkled in the bright overhead lights beside Griever on her necklace. Caraway was late to make an appearance, just as he had been when they had been briefed on Sorceress  Edea’s assassination attempt. Not that Squall cared. He dared the bastard to waltz in and say something about the display of affection. The General would have to get used to it.  Rinoa would be his wife in just a few short weeks, after her birthday in March. “Just stay close to me.” He whispered as he pressed a tender kiss to her temple.

Rinoa grinned, though she was clearly uncomfortable as they leaned back lazily on her father’s heavy mahogany desk. She did  _ not  _ like being in this house. The insurmountable tension that existed between she and her “father” was not something that could be wiped clean with one lousy party. Just last week he had threatened to have the Owls imprisoned, right on the cusp of victory for Timber’s independence, so it hadn’t been easy to twist her arm into agreeing to whatever the hell this was. She took a deep breath. Everything would be okay as long as Squall remembered her signal. One gesture from her, and Squall was to get her out of here. But then again, she thought, as she absentmindedly twiddled with the fur on her fiancée's coat, she  _ had  _ left tea on his placemat in the kitchen, and only  Rinoa Heartilly knew what that meant.

Squall and  Rinoa were lost in their thoughts as Zell,  Selphie , Irvine, and  Quistis chattered amongst themselves near the spread of food that had been laid out near the creepy wall statue that lead out to the underground sewer.  Quistis would have rather forgotten the memory of getting trapped in this very study, and was drinking heavily as she watched her friends pick around at the measly food options. Zell in particular seemed offended by the lack of choices. “You’re  tellin ’ me the General is worth over twenty million Gil and all we’re  gettin ’ to be here is a few lousy pieces of fruit and cheese? SCROOGE!” He punched his fist down on the table and rolled his teal blue eyes as a small pout curled at the edges of his lips. “Besides...the whole spread is shaped like a dick.” 

Quistis’s face was red from the alcohol and she sputtered as she clutched at her sides in a fit of laughter. Honestly, he wasn’t wrong. The phallically placed food trey even looked as if it had testicles, and she had to wonder if the kitchen staff hated Caraway as much as his daughter did. She had always liked Zell; his personality was so cute. She appreciated any man that could make her laugh. “Do you remember when we were kids, and you decided to stick your little weenie on the--”

“ Quistis !” Zell’s face was beet red, and he gently pried the bottle of rosé from his friends' firm grip. “Sometimes I wish  _ someone  _ hadn’t made us all remember the orphanage.” He grumbled, shooting Irvine some undeserved side  eye .  Quistis seemed to be vibrating affection, and she rubbed up on Zell in a way that made him nervous.  Quistis was beyond beautiful, and he stammered. He needed away from her touch before he popped a boner. He’d only been pining after her since defeat of Ultimecia...y’know...nothing he needed to admit to! She leaned in for a kiss, and warmth flooded the brawler as she stumbled backward and almost knocked the table over. “I uh...I’m  gonna go find some s-snacks. Caraway is Noa’s dad, right? I’m sure he won’t mind.” 

Zell shot out of the room and down the hallway, and  Quistis’s mood instantly deflated. She hadn’t meant to scare him off. She just...didn’t know how to approach men she liked. Squall was clearly exhibit A. .. _ that _ __ had ended in humiliation. She sighed and lifted her eyes toward Squall and  Rinoa , who seemed to be so happy. Her eyebrow rose, however, as she noticed that Squall was putting all of his weight on one leg, the other of which was oozing a small amount of blood. “Squall? What did you do to your leg?”

Rinoa hadn’t known anything was wrong with her fiancée, and her eyebrows furrowed instantaneously. “Squall?” If looks could kill,  Quistis would have been dead. He pursed his lips into a hard line, and grunted as he shifted to more evenly distribute his weight. He squeezed  Rinoa’s hand gently, and after he felt he had  sufficiently given  Quistis the evil eye, he turned a warmer expression toward his love. 

“I’m fine,  Rinoa . It’s nothing. Your asshole father just had a weird trap put in place near the bathroom and it snagged me in the leg. I’ve had worse, I’m capable of walking it off.” That sounded like her father, and  Rinoa’s face heated instantly. It was one thing for Caraway to pull possessive bullshit and hurt  _ her _ , but the love of her life was another story entirely. She moved to stalk toward the door, determined to find her father and demand an answer for his behavior, when suddenly a familiar beeping filled the room. 

Dread dropped into  Rinoa’s stomach, and she frantically waved her hands at the doorway. “Someone  do something! It’s going to lock us in!” 

Quistis seemed to have a war flashback and she stumbled forward drunkenly to grab Irvine by his coat. “Shoot the auto-lock! I will  _ not  _ climb out of this house through the sewer ever again!”

_ Squall is the leader, why do  _ I  _ have to do something?!  _ Irvine thought frantically to himself as he jerked his rifle from his back and cocked it. He wasn’t sure where to aim, but he shot several useless holes in the door frame before the door slammed to a harsh close.  _ Goddamn it. _

Selphie gave her boyfriend a small pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay Irvy. I think it locks from the other side.” That didn’t make him feel any better, not with  Quistis and Squall both giving him a visceral lashing with their eyes alone. “Try not to worry!”  Selphie said with a small optimistic jump in the air. “Zell can unlock the door when he gets back, I’m sure of it!”

Meanwhile, Zell was ambling toward the kitchen as his heart thrashed erratically against his ribcage. What the hell had that been about? Women like  Quistis Trepe did  _ not  _ try to make out with the Zell  Dincht’s of the world.  _ Eh,  _ _ Quisty’s _ _ just drunk.  _ He reminded himself dejectedly. He was fidgeting with the zipper of his pants uncomfortably as he tried to forget how her sunset colored lips had leaned toward his own, soft and downy and inviting.  _ What were you  _ _ doin _ _ ’? Kiss her next time, idiot.  _ He chastised himself, grumbling as he struggled to walk with the erection that was now rubbing against his jeans.  _ Gotta _ _ find someplace to jerk this out before I get back.  _

Zell reached for the handle to Caraway’s pantry, and jerked it open absentmindedly, reaching in to grab for a bag of chips or something when something clammy and wet grazed his fingertips. He looked down, and a shriek so high pitched only a dog could hear it leapt from his throat. There he was, Fury Caraway, grey and bleeding profusely from the mouth as his limp body lay against stacks of strawberry preservatives. His eyes were glassy and unseeing, and Zell lifted two trembling fingers to feel his pulse. There was nothing. General Caraway was dead. Zell backed into the kitchen table, spilling the tea perched on the linen placemat all over the floor.

The sound of a bell jingling startled the  SeeD clean out of his skin, and he yelped again as something fuzzy rubbed up against his leg. The Caraway family dog, Angelo’s mother Sadie, happily lapped at the mess Zell had made, and he blew out a steady stream of air from his nose as he attempted to calm his own nerves. “Yeah, drink up fuzzball. I don’t suppose you know how to get rid of bodies too, huh?” He whispered, peeking over his shoulder at Caraway as if his corpse was going to make a lunge for him. Something in his gut told him this wasn’t the work of housekeeping, though he sincerely wished for it.  _ I mean...they made his food into a cock shape, right? That’s  _ _ gotta _ _ indicate some  _ _ sorta _ _ hate crime--  _

Zell was torn from his thoughts as a loud scream came from behind him, and one such housekeeper started yelling for the guards. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly and made eye contact with the dog, who suddenly looked a little ill herself. He could feel his erection softening, and he’d almost forgotten he had it as his face turned deep purple. “This uh... ain’t what it looks like. The dog and I are barely  acquainted .  Oh and uh... y’know . I didn’t kill anybody.”

Page Break

By the time the guards had broken into the study, Sadie had perished, and  Rinoa was crying into her soft tufts of fur. Squall was rubbing her back gently as the two of them were broken away from the rest of the group for questioning. One guard took Squall and  Rinoa , one took Irvine and  Selphie , and the third guard took Zell and  Quistis . Someone in this room was a murderer, and the staff at Caraway Mansion, was going to get to the bottom of it before the evening concluded. Squall and  Rinoa were taken out to be interrogated in the bell tower,  Selphie and Irvine were taken to the garden balcony, and Zell and  Quistis were being held in the shed outback, just a few short paces north from the garden’s elaborate foliage. 

Zell didn’t know why he had to be paired off with Quisty, of all people, and why in the sketchiest part of the mansion. He chewed the inside of his lip and sulked, refusing to look at  Quistis , who was rubbing his thigh in a manner that did nothing to aid his earlier predicament. Their guard was female, and she was looking down her nose at the couple like their mere presence disgusted her. “I know you killed the master of this house.” She snarled. 

Quistis snorted and waved her hand about flippantly. “Have you met Zell  Dincht ? He’s a crybaby chicken-wuss if I’ve ever met one.” Zell’s body trembled at the insult, and he jerked away from her grouchily as her lapis lazuli eyes went wide. “Oh, no, no, don’t take that bad, Zell. You’re  _ my  _ handsome chicken-wuss.” She cooed, pinching at his cheeks as the staunch smell of alcohol on her breath churned Zell’s stomach. He still couldn’t look at her, and he bit his lip as he tried and failed to shake the blossoming feelings in his chest. 

“Yeah, yeah. If we get  outta this alive remind me to ask  ya never to flirt with me again you beautiful—you s-stupidly stunning--” Goddamn it he couldn’t even take a shot at her back. “...whatever!” 

Quistis giggled. “Now you sound like Squall.” 

“ENOUGH!” The guard barked, sobering them both up a little as they sat straighter in their chairs. She narrowed her beady eyes at Zell and pointed to the autoclave in the back of the shed. “You’re the one that found the body, loud mouth.  Wanna explain to me what we found in the autoclave?”


	2. Zell and Quistis

Zell had no idea what an autoclave even was, and he punched his fists up into the air. Why was this being pinned on him? He had the least amount of motive out of everyone here to murder General Caraway—he’d barely ever been within sniffing distance of the man. "Explain why I put what in my what?” Autoclave sounded like an STD. The grizzled ginger guard was not amused, and she slapped an evidence bag down into Zell’s lap. 

“Those rags were found in the autoclave’s sterilization chamber.” Zell felt sick as he looked at the baggie, which contained rags that used to be white—completely soaked and saturated with Caraway’s blood.  Rinoa was his best friend in the whole world, he didn’t want to stare at her father’s coagulated life force, and he chucked the bag at  Quistis like a hot potato.

“I’ll tell  ya one more time. I didn’t do it. I found him in the pantry, and after that my  fatass spilled the tea on the counter, which by the way was clearly poisoned, so  _ maybe  _ you should be interrogating the food staff. Poor Sadie...” Zell trailed off, sniffling a little over the fate of the old  Galbadian Shepherd. Now he wished he hadn’t encouraged all that licking. 

The guard narrowed her eyes and clucked her tongue as she folded her arms across her chest. Zell did seem a little too innocent to have committed the murder...or too stupid, she hadn’t figured out which. “Okay, kid. You’ve got one shot. Tell me what you were doing in the kitchen.”

She would come to regret that line of questioning. Zell’s imagination got the better of him, and his retelling of events was perhaps a little...skewed. According to Zell, it all started in the study. The friends had spent all day in various parts of the mansion, waiting on Caraway, who never did bother to make an appearance. They had originally been told they were free to move about at their leisure, until 5 o’clock exactly, when they were to meet the General in the study and the festivities would begin. By the time they had regrouped in the study, the food was spread and alcohol poured, and yet, there was still no indication that Caraway had ever even come home. 

I was standing near the statue in the corner,  y’know , flexing my muscles for  Quistis . I’m a highly trained martial artist, unmatched at  Balamb Garden.  Quistis was admiring how super cool I looked, when I made a cheeky remark that the food spread looked like a huge cock. Now I  ain’t jokin ’ when I say that, I mean it truly looked like...well...you get the picture, and  Quistis was standing there next to all that phallic imagery just...y’know, doin’ Quisty things, which was a crime in and of itself. 

Quistis grabbed me by my  biceps and was like “ Oooh Zell, you’re so big and tight.” And so, I’m not a pussy, I ran my hands through my hair and told her like it was. 

“Yeah, baby, I only work out for you.” Then I pressed my fingers to her pretty mouth and shushed her, and she swooned. It was making Squall so jealous, I could tell, because he wanted to be all over Noa and was too chicken shit to do it in her folk’s place. I  ain’t a chicken-wuss. For the record.  Quistis knew that, and she wanted to make it official, right?

So, my girl leans forward and puts those lips to work, I mean she kissed me like I was twenty times the kisser Seifer is, ‘ cuz y’know , I  _ am _ , and naturally my body had a reaction to her wiles. I mean look at her... Quistis is amazing. I  kinda uh...popped a boner. Being the gentleman that I am, I couldn’t allow her to see it before our wedding. Ma and Pa raised me right! So, I went to the kitchen to jerk--

“Wait a moment.” The guard cut Zell’s embellished story off short, her face paling several shades as she imagined the horror that hung on end of that sentence. “You’re honestly telling me you were going to the pantry to have a wank?!”

Zell blinked at her like she was stupid. “Huh? Nah, I was a little hungry too. Some chips  woulda been nice...if Caraway hadn’t been  bleedin ’ out all over ‘ em .” Oh yeah, the guard thought to herself. This kid was definitely too stupid to get away with murder. 

The guard sighed in mild exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose. Hopefully the female suspect wasn’t as drunk as her supposed boytoy was ridiculous.  Quistis still reeked of booze, and the guard wasn’t sure she had sobered up much, if at all, though she  _ was  _ enough in her own mind to know Zell was full of shit. She opened her mouth before the guard had the opportunity. “I would assume it’s my turn, your ladyship. Ask away about the autoclave...and ignore everything Zell just said...he wouldn’t kiss me and I do not  _ fawn _ .” She puffed her bottom lip out in a pout as she spoke and the guard rolled her eyes.

_ Oh, here we go. If a kiss was the only thing the kid lied about, I’m still mildly disturbed.  _ The guard cleared her throat with the hope that she was finally getting somewhere. “Okay, since you’re so eager.  _ You  _ tell me how rags soaked in the General’s blood got shoved inside the autoclave.”

Quistis’s smile was sleepy, and she shrugged her shoulders as she tugged her red arm warmers further up her arm. “I  dunno .” 

THAT! THAT WAS HER BIG ANSWER? No, the guard would not be accepting that as an answer for  _ any  _ of this nonsense. She was frustrated, and she ripped the evidence bag from  Quistis’s hands as she shoved it angrily back into her coat pocket. “Fine, since you think you’re so smart. How about I ask a harder question for our little academic, then?” 

Zell didn’t like the tone she took with  Quistis , but he didn’t say anything as she fished a rope and an empty wine bottle from her bag. “Care to explain to me why we found a wine bottle and a rope tied into a noose a few feet from the autoclave? You’re the only person in the house who isn’t sober, we’ve checked.”

Quistis’s comfortable expression dissolved and suddenly her body language was withdrawn. She looked down, picking at the soft cuticle of one of her nails until she drew blood. All the rosy drunkenness seemed to drain from her, and she was stone cold serious as she tried to sift through the haze in her mind until it was clear enough for her to give an intelligent answer. She wasn’t Zell.  Quistis wasn’t rigid by any means either, but she also had an anxious drive inside of her to succeed and do well in all things, and someone on a fast track to regaining their teaching  license did  _ not  _ need to be framed for murder.

A pit suddenly settled in Zell’s stomach as he watched  Quistis’s nerves eat her alive. What in the world was she hiding? He had known  Quistis his whole life. He…loved her. She was the smartest woman he had ever known, and she was as kind as she was studious, that was the whole reason they’d gotten locked in Caraway’s study the first time they had been here. She couldn’t stand knowing she had potentially hurt  Rinoa’s feelings. There was no way she had killed General Caraway…unless he had done something horrible to her. In which case, Zell would do anything he could to protect her from that awful truth. He very gently reached to take her chin in his hand and he forced her to look at him. “ Quisty , baby, what did you do? You can tell me anything.”

Quistis was caught off guard, and a vulnerability entered her wide blue-violet eyes as she stared at him for a beat longer than she meant to. She found herself leaning in before she could stop it, and Zell didn’t run from her this time. His face pinkened and he threaded his trembling fingers nervously in her blonde hair as he pressed a small kiss to her soft lips. It was chaste, sweet, and he pulled back to grin at her just at the right moment.  Quistis’s nerves and the bottle and a half of pink Moscato got the better of her, and she violently emptied her stomach into Zell’s lap. Bright pink sludge sloshed onto his thighs, and he wasn’t even angry as she burst into embarrassed tears. “Z-Zell I’m so sorry!”

Zell fought his urge to gag as hard as he could. The last thing he wanted was for her to be upset. He slapped a bright smile to face, though he squirmed as the sick mess slid down his calves. “No, it’s okay. Look at me, hey, I’ve had worse! Do  ya know how much monster goo I’ve had on me over the years? I’m made of steel baby.” He was trying to make her laugh as he reached a hand to gently massage her shoulder, but it didn’t work.

Quistis recoiled from Zell and sobbed into her hands. Her life was totally over. “I tried!” She sobbed loudly. “I wanted to kill him so bad, but I swear I d-didn’t.” She hiccupped hard, and the guard shot her an almost sympathetic smile. These two were about as messy as was physically possible. She almost felt sorry for them.

“Care to elaborate on that?”

Quistis drew in a sharp breath and nodded her head slowly. It hadn’t been her fault, really, Caraway had forced her hand. She and  Selphie had been out exploring the garden, when they had been intercepted by the General himself as he hauled his bags toward the Mansion’s side entrance. He was sweaty, and he grumbled at the two of them as he passed by. To hear  Quistis recount it, it sounded like he had been in a terrible mood from the start, and  Selphie was not having any of it. This was supposed to be a party, right?

I begged  Selphie with my eyes not to breathe a word at  Rinoa’s father as I polished off the too-sweet rosé I had been nursing since our arrival. General Caraway made me anxious, and I didn’t like dealing with the scoundrel. He was unkind to  Rinoa , that much was obvious, and I was more than a little bitter about the execution of our first and only mission with him. Squall could have lost his life following the General’s orders, not that he cared. We all could have. NORG wanted to have Squall,  Rinoa , and Zell murdered for following  Galbadia’s orders against his own, despite the General’s deceit and our own ignorance.

Selphie isn’t me, however, and wasn’t sloppy drunk, so I had no such luck. The General seemed overtly pleased with himself, and an aura of arrogance that soured the beautiful venue seeped from his pores.  Selphie wore a pinched expression as Caraway gingerly put a hand on her shoulder as if to welcome her as he passed by. “You know...I’d be careful where you put your hands. It’s always fun and games until someone gets shot in the neck.” Her tone was cheerful, but that was clearly a threat, and the smile that curled at the end of his mouth churned my stomach. It didn’t meet his eyes, and I saw the muscles in his hands tighten around her. 

“If I had a Gil for every mindless thing spoken to me by a woman, I would own this continent.” He sneered at her as he inched closer, getting in her face as he stared hard into her eyes. “Remember that little thing we talked about? I’d really hate to ruin my daughter’s party because you couldn’t behave yourself.” 

I couldn’t take it anymore, and I wedged myself between them. Anything to take his hands off of her. “Enough! If you’re so concerned about your daughter, go congratulate her. She and her  _ future husband _ are still in the foyer.” I made sure to hiss an emphasis on ‘future husband’, and Caraway scowled as he tore himself from our presence and stormed away.  Selphie’s face was red, and I started to ask if she was okay, but she beat me to it. 

“C’mon,  Quisty .”  Selphie grabbed my wrist and jerked me angrily across the garden and into the shed. I think the idea had originally been to blow off steam...and that’s sort of what we did?  Selphie was fuming, and she walked over to the autoclave. 

“I want to do it,  Quistis . I want to shove him in the autoclave and MELT HIS GODDAMN SKIN OFF!” She whacked the side of the machine with her nunchaku, and tears rolled down her cheeks as she suddenly burst into cheerful giggles.  Selphie isn’t one to stay upset long, her composure is more solid than even Squall’s. She smiled at me, and twirled a loose strand of her light brown hair as she sniffled. “Wouldn’t that be funny? General Caraway walking around like a skinned Moomba?”

I had to laugh,  Selphie’s sense of humor had always been a little dark. I wanted to cheer her up, so I grabbed a rope that was in a corner of the room, and tied it like I was going to hang to someone. “What if we hung him from the balcony  _ after  _ we skinned him alive?”

Selphie snorted and grabbed my hands, accidentally knocking the small amount that was left of my wine to the floor. “See now we’re getting somewhere; shit I need whatever you’re drinking.” We sort of danced there for a little bit and I leaned in to whisper in her ear as she continued to giggle. 

“You know, I bet if you told  Irvy that Caraway put his hands on you, he’d kill him for us.” I had honestly been joking, but the evil smirk that crept onto  Selphie’s brightening expression was maybe a tiny bit concerning, not going to lie. And not too long after that, I heard gunfire from the garden, but by then  Selphie and I had regrouped with Zell in the library. He had sent me a text saying he wanted us to come and laugh at some naughty magazines he had found. 

The guard had to roll her eyes. Of course,  _ that’s  _ what Zell had been doing before the incident in the study. Why was she not surprised? “So. ..you’re implicating Irvine Kinneas? Is that what I’m hearing?”

Quistis’s lips quivered, but Zell put a reassuring hand on the small of her back. “It’s okay. I won’t tell him.” 

_ Oh, I don’t deserve you, Zell  _ _ Dincht _ _. You’re comforting me while completely coated in my vomit. If that isn’t boyfriend material, I don’t know what is.  _ Quistis thought to herself, smiling a little as she gave his firm hand a squeeze. “Yes. It was Irvine, I’m almost sure of it.” 


	3. Irvine and Selphie

The atmosphere out on the balcony that overlooked the garden terrace of Caraway Mansion was uncomfortably relaxed. A female guard had come to whisper news to the aged bald guard who had been staring them down for quite some time. She looked like the one who had taken  Quistis and Zell into the shed, but  Selphie wasn’t worried. She had been with Zell and  Quisty most of the evening, and she knew for a fact they hadn’t done anything nefarious. She sincerely doubted that  _ any _ of her friends had, sans her boyfriend, but that was of no concern to the young  SeeD . No one was going to touch her  Irvy . No one. There would  _ be  _ no guards in Caraway Mansion by the time she was finished, they didn’t want to try her.

She was chattering excitedly to Irvine, who didn’t seem to be nervous either. He was leaned back arrogantly in his chair, legs spread wide with his arms resting carelessly behind his head. Neither of them seemed to be taking the murder very seriously, and that was a red flag from the start. “I heard them whispering.”  Selphie said in a hushed voice, though she couldn’t hide the gleefulness peeking through her voice. “ Quisty ralphed all over Zell. They’re an item now, can you believe it? She didn’t even tell me she liked him, that whore.” Her lips pooched into a playful pout and Irvine had to laugh.

“Well he liked  _ her _ , that much was obvious. He’s been sweet on  Quistis ever since she took that final shot at  Ultimecia on her own with her Shockwave Pulsar. Broke poor Evie’s heart, but…her obsession with Zell was a little creepy anyway. He’s better off with  Quisty .” Irvine drawled lazily. He had seen the awe on Zell’s face when she had taken out the Sorceress. It was an instant game changer for him.

Selphie hadn’t even thought of poor Evie. She was Garden’s resident “Library Girl” as everyone called her, and she  _ was  _ just a tad bit obsessed with Zell.  Selphie had thought it was kind of cute though, all the doting, and she sighed with a small pout. “Poor girl.”

The guard cleared his throat and held up a small evidence bag that Zell and  Quistis’s guard had passed off to him. This was going to be a long night; he could already tell. These two were both out of their minds. “Would either of you care to quit gossiping long enough to tell me what this is?” 

Selphie wrinkled her nose. “That is  _ disgusting.  _ How dare you show that to a lady.” She huffed, half serious as she turned her nose up and looked away from the guard. Irvine leaned in to get a closer look at it and recoiled himself. 

“ Bleh, where the hell did you get all that? If you’re on your period, just say so my man.” Irvine crossed one leg over the other, smirking to himself at his own joke as the guards face reddened. He wasn’t in the mood for games. 

The sun was lowering behind the trees now, and yet it somehow still managed to shine like a beacon off the top of the guard's bald head. Selphie was amazed by it, and she was busy looking into it like a crystal ball when he finally spoke. “I thought you lot were  SeeD’s ? Didn’t peg you for the squeamish types in your line of work.”

Selphie shrugged, still a little mystified and distracted. “Yeah? That’s funny. I didn’t peg  _ you  _ for a spit shine  kinda guy, yet here we are. Besides, I just ate grilled  Fastitocalon you MEANIE, I’d like to keep it down.”

“Heh, okay, sweetheart, I don’t think you understand, so we’re  gonna come at this a little differently. Your pal  Quistis already told us what happened in the  shed. Can you tell me what happened afterwards? And why these rags were found in the autoclave? You had contact with it.”  Selphie appeared annoyed, but her composure never broke. She was cool as a cucumber as she let out a deep sigh and delved headfirst into the memory. It didn’t seem to be an unpleasant one, and a small smirk toyed with the corners of her lips as she recalled it. 

Well, if you insist. I’m sure  Quisty told you we had been horsing around in the shed, which, last time I checked wasn’t a crime. I banged on the autoclave a little but nothing that would like, hurt it. I’ll have you know that it was completely empty when I was in there, as far as I could tell. I didn’t open it, but it didn’t look like it had been touched for years. There were bits of old burnt and yellow pieces of paper hanging off it, like the General had used it to burn documents at one time, but that was it. Thing was covered in cobwebs. So, whoever shoved the rags inside clearly did so after I had already left the shed.

Quisty got a text from her boy toy as we were leaving—though  clearly she and I need to have an emergency BFF talk because she  _ never  _ told me that she liked Zell, but like whatever, and his text said to meet him in the library. I told  Quistis to go on ahead and that I would meet her there just as soon as I had a little conversation with Irvine.  Irvy is my little love, and I wanted to let him know what was going on. Irvine was already in the study early, inspecting the statue that leads to the sewer. He hadn’t been with us when we had used it to escape the mansion during the assassination attempt, so he was curious.

I had passed by Squall on my way there, he wasn’t limping yet but his face was really red and scowl-y, and I think he was headed toward the bell tower. I wanted to stop and ask what had happened, but I knew better than to poke the bear so to speak, he didn’t look like he was in a good mood. Then again, it’s Squall, he  _ never  _ is. I mean, I guess I would  be grumpy too if Caraway was about to be  _ my  _ new father-in-law. Anyway, when I got to the study,  Irvy was playing around the statue, like I said, right?

He put his hands on his  smexy hips and leaned toward me when he noticed my presence, and his cerulean eyes were alight with a mischief that made my stomach flutter. He winked at me and gestured grandly at the old marble with his hand. “ Selphie ! You’re just in time, Squall and  Rinoa just wandered off. Care to maybe…have some shenanigans down in the ole sewer? I think I figured out the trick.”

I rolled my eyes, because clearly that’s all Irvine ever thinks about. I’m not like Squall, though, I’m always in a pretty happy mood, and I was amused with his antics. I leaned forward and tugged playfully at his jacket collar. “And what trick would that be?”

Irvine flipped his brunette ponytail over his shoulder with a dramatic flair. “Observe.” He turned away from me and bent over to place a small cocktail glass within the hands of the statue, and I took my opportunity to go in for a squeeze. I grabbed a fistful of his perky little tush and he yelped, dropping the glass as it shattered at our feet. “SELPHIE! Caraway is  gonna kill me.”

I giggled, tugging him away from the statue and pushing him up against the General’s stuffy old dusk. “No, baby.  _ We  _ are going to kill  _ him _ .” I purred. Of course, I was just trying to be sexy, I didn’t know he was going to wind up an empty meat suit a few hours later. I climbed my man like a tree, and that was that. We met up with Zell and  Quistis in the library for a little while, and then everyone regrouped in the study at 5 o’clock. 

Ah, there it finally was. The guard had finally caught one of them in a lie. The aged folds in his face scrunched like fat old dog as he stared down his crooked nose at her. “Are you sure you don’t want to start telling me the truth? I’d think  real hard about lying to me again.” 

Selphie’s bubbly demeanor faltered slightly, and she fidgeted with her fingers as she spoke. “W-What do you mean? I didn’t lie--”

“Ma’am.” The guards voice was stern as he spoke. “ Quistis Trepe told us you were considering asking your boyfriend to murder General Caraway, and we found residual gunpowder all over the bannister. Oh, and this.” The guard fished out yet another evidence bag, but this time there was a bloody shotgun shell encased in the flimsy plastic.

Selphie screwed her eyes closed and muttered profanities under her breath. How could  Quistis do this to them? This was a deep betrayal...this was...treason! Why would anyone throw her sweet Irvine under the bus like that? She bit her tongue hard to keep from crying. “I might have...embellished...a  _ little _ .” She admitted with a pout. She glanced at Irvine from the corner of her eye and he nodded that it was okay. “So. ..I said what I said, about killing Caraway, and  Irvy pulled away and wanted to know what would make me say that.” Tears filled her large green eyes and she sighed down at the floor. “I told him, about what Caraway had threatened me with. He basically called and told me that if I didn’t talk Squall and  Rinoa into coming here for this little get together, he was going to expose NORG for the money-grubbing bastard that he is and have Garden defunded. Garden is a self-governing body, and it would not be difficult for  Balamb as a country to decide we are not worth having around if they found out we were using our power and pull as mercenaries to line our own pockets. Someone had to do something!”

Selphie was getting passionate, and angry tears were streaming down her face as it reddened and her eyes puffed up a little. The guard shook his head. “And you thought that someone should be your boyfriend? You asked him to murder Caraway and he did it.”

“I...” She hung her head, but her ears perked up instantly as Irvine let out a breathless laugh from beside her. He put his hand on her knee and smiled a smile so boyish and charming it almost disarmed the guard, too. 

“The thing is,  Sefie , I didn’t do it. I goofed.” He admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. 

The guard huffed in exasperation. “What do you mean you goofed?”

Irvine shrugged. “Exactly what I said. I know I’m pretty badass as a sharpshooter and all, the ladies love that, but faulty weapons are faulty weapons. I’ve been trying to upgrade my gun for  months; the scope is broken and it’s hard to see out of.” He explained, getting comfortable in his chair as he soothingly ran his fingers through his girlfriend's eccentric hairdo. He knew he looked awfully guilty, but there was an honest explanation for the whole thing, if they would listen. 

Selphie explained to me what was going on, and I was furious. No one puts their hands on my girl and lives to tell about it. I might act like a bit of a skirt chaser, but at the end of the day my heart belongs to  Sefie , it always has. I  _ will  _ protect her. I will openly admit that I conspired and attempted to murder Fury Caraway, but I never got the chance. 

Selphie went to join up with Zell and  Quistis . I kissed her and told her I would make everything go away, all she had to do was keep our friends distracted while I took my shot. I drug my shotgun out onto this very balcony, and I waited for the bastard to come back out of the shed, which seemed to be where he was headed the last time  Selphie and  Quistis had spoken to him. I was looking through my broken scope when a man finally emerged from the shed, but it was hard to see him through the damaged equipment.

I thought I was aiming for his chest,  y’know , because a headshot was overkill. He’s  Rinoa’s dad, I didn’t necessarily  wanna splatter his brains out everywhere and traumatize the poor girl. Have you ever seen a head explode? It’s a lot nastier to clean up off the floor than your everyday pool of blood. Chunks of skull and brain are...extra as fuck. Even with her hating the man, seeing something like that does shit to you. So, being the considerate friend that I am, I was taking him down clean. 

Caraway hesitated for a moment when he exited the shed, almost as if he could sense me lurking, and even though I knew I couldn’t see too good I took my opportunity and shot. The issue was, the moment I pulled the trigger something from inside the shed sounded like it exploded, and it startled me. I don’t usually spook, it’s unusual for me, because I was highly trained at Galbadia Garden and I am  _ very  _ good at what I do. The noise was just  _ so  _ loud, like a machine malfunctioning. I jerked; my bullet hit his leg and he went down hard. 

“FUCK!” The voice didn’t sound like Caraway, it sounded familiar, and fear suddenly pricked at my spine. I knew immediately that I had shot Squall, not the General. He stood back up, grunting like he was in an awful amount of pain, but he shook it off and limped back toward the study. Squall is our commanding officer, I’ve seen him walk off many a grievous injury, so none of that surprised me, but I  _ am  _ a little surprised he hasn’t beaten my ass for it yet. That’s why I kind of kept my distance from him in the study...I’m sure he’s waiting for an opportunity to fuck me with a rusty gunblade. 

Selphie wrinkled her nose and cut him off. “Irvy...eww!!” 

“It’s the truth! I was really shocked when he told  Rinoa that he stepped into a trap near the bathroom. To be honest with you though, I think he was trying to throw us off her scent.” Irvine said slowly, making direct eye contact with the guard. “You want to know what I think happened? You keep badgering us about those bloody rags you found in the autoclave. Autoclaves are used for sterilization, but they’re not meant for fabric. I think Squall shoved the bloody rags into the sterilization chamber and the noise I heard was the  autoclave backfiring.” 

Selphie hummed, as if deep in thought, and mulled his words over for a few moments. “But...why would he do that?”

Irvine smirked, like he was proud of his own detective work, and yawned as he propped his arms up behind his head. “Think about it.  Rinoa cannot  _ stand  _ her father. That poor dog she was carrying around earlier, it died because it drank the tea that Zell spilled all over the floor, right? The tea was clearly poisoned, that’s your murder weapon. I  _ saw  _ Rinoa making tea before I headed out into the garden. I had stopped in the kitchen to run some water over my scope. It’s already broken, I didn’t need dirt clouding my vision too.”

The guard seemed to believe him, and he leaned forward with an excitement that had been entirely absent throughout his prior line of questioning. It seemed as if they were finally catching a break in the investigation. “ So you’re telling me  Rinoa Heartilly murdered her father, and the Commander is trying to protect her?”

Irvine nodded. “Listen, I hate to be a rat, but  Quistis started this, so I’m finishing it. Be aware. Squall Leonhart would do  _ anything  _ to protect  Rinoa . He’s her Knight, it’s  kinda his job. Ignore anything that comes out of his mouth, his loyalty is blind. Rinoa killed General Caraway, the writing is on the wall.”


	4. Squall and Rinoa

Squall Leonhart had a permanent scowl slapped across his pale face as he watched the guards speak in hushed whispers. His arms were coiled tightly around Rinoa, who was in pieces over the loss of her childhood dog. In spite of his harsh demeanor, he pressed a tender kiss to her temple and trailed his fingers lovingly up and down her back. “Shh. Just think. Who is waiting for us back home in Balamb?”

Rinoa sniffled. “Angelo?”

“That’s right.” A hint of happiness touched his eyes, if only for a moment, and he pressed a gloved finger to his lips. “And…our…”

He didn’t need to finish his sentence, she knew who he was referring to, and a bright smile curled at the edges of her mouth. He was right.  _ She  _ was at home too. That smile was all Squall had wanted, and he squeezed her with as much reassurance as he could muster as Zell and Irvine’s guards exited the room and left them alone with their own. The guard was all shades and a handle bar mustache, and Squall immediately couldn’t take him seriously.

“So. Ms. Heartilly. Looks like Irvine Kinneas has identified you as the killer. Care to explain yourself?”

Rinoa paled three shades at an instant and Squall growled at her side.  _ Irvine did  _ what _?! _ No, that was not happening. No one was pinning this on Rinoa, least of all his shithead friends. “What are you playing at?” Squall’s voice had a razor edge, and the guard growled in response as he jerked several bags of evidence from his coat pocket.

One bag contained the bloody rags found in the autoclave, one contained the bullet from the garden, and another contained a dagger coated in dried crusty blood. He slammed the bags down on the small table that sat between them and his caramel brown eyes stared hard into Rinoa’s chocolate orbs. “We already know the bullet intended for your father missed and hit your fiancée. You had Squall dispose of the rags for you after you poisoned your father, didn’t you? Kinneas saw you making the tea in the kitchen, we know you did it. What we want to know is why and how the dagger factors in.” Rinoa looked genuinely shocked, and she glanced down at Squall’s leg with tears in her eyes.

“You lied to me?”

Squall looked like he’d been shot all over again, and his grip on her tightened. “I’m sorry, Noa. I just…didn’t want you to worry over me. You’re supposed to be happy, we’re getting married. And I don’t think Irvine  _ meant  _ to shoot me. Careless idiot.” He grumbled.

Rinoa could accept that he didn’t want her to worry. She knew how she could be sometimes, and she sighed. What mattered was that he was alright. “Tell me you’re okay?”

He brought her hand to his lip to kiss and managed a sweet smile. “I’m fine. I promise.”

The guard stuck his finger down his throat at the display and gagged. Squall’s smile faded as quickly as it came, and his jaw locked hard. He wasn’t usually one for PDA himself, but Rinoa was scared and sad and this asshole could fuck off. The guard stood abruptly and got in Rinoa’s face, his spit smacking her cheeks as he roared questions an inch from her nose. “I AM NOT HERE FOR ROMANTICS! TELL ME WHY YOU DID IT!”

Rinoa’s lips began to quiver and Squall had had enough. “Get away from her  _ now.  _ And I would watch your tone if I were you.” His voice was icy and dripping with death threats, and the guard stared at him suspiciously as he stepped a few paces back. Rinoa fidgeted with her fingers before sucking in a shaky breath and diving head first into her own recounting of the day’s events.

You’ve got it all wrong. I  _ hated  _ my father, but no matter what Irvine claims to have seen, I didn’t kill him…though it wasn’t for lack of trying. My father was not a good man, and I knew we were heading for trouble when Selphie twisted our arms to come out here and see him. There was no way in hell he was excited that Squall and I are getting married. He’s tried to control me my entire life, and I was coming prepared.

Everyone sort of did their own thing once we got here, because we had until 5 o’clock before we had to meet my father in the study. My father was rigid in his routines, so I knew better than to linger where I wasn’t wanted and I didn’t stay in one spot in the house for too long. That and…you run the risk of getting locked in somewhere if you’re not careful. Squall and I went up to my old bedroom while everyone else was off in their own worlds. Quistis and Selphie were in the shed for a while and Zell had gone up to the library to look at porn. I don’t know what Irvine was up to, besides shooting my fiancée apparently, we left him in the study last I’d seen him, before he showed up in the kitchen sometime later to clean his scope.

It had been a long time since I had been up in my room, but it didn’t look like anything had been touched since I’d moved out. The walls were still light pink, and my paisley comforter was still on the bed. Some old stuffed animals were littered everywhere and a few old photos from before my mother passed away were hanging on the walls. I was feeling sort of daring, having Squall in that room, because I was never allowed to have people over as a teenager, and certainly never a boy.

I flopped down on the bed and wiggled my eyebrows at Squall, who was leaning back against the wall like he was bored. He raised his own at me and scoffed. “What?”

“Dontcha wanna…oh, I dunno…disrespect house rules with me?” I giggled. I kicked my boots off and smirked, and Squall blinked at me a few times like he didn’t follow.

“…just being here disrespects house rules. We aren’t very well liked if you hadn’t noticed.” He quipped.

He wasn’t taking the bait, and I puffed my bottom lip out in a pout. I let out a dramatic sigh and rolled over onto my stomach, pooching my butt out a little bit as I did so. “Oh. I guess you aren’t interested, then. That’s too bad. I guess my butt will just perch here until someone finds it worthy enough to grab, since my future husband doesn’t.”

That seemed to finally get his attention and he tried to hide his smirk from me, but it could have lit the room. No way I’d miss it. “Noa, don’t you think that’s a little dangerous? People could hear.”

“I thought you were a SeeD. Since when do you shy away from danger?”

“Since someone could see the love of my life naked.” He hissed, pushing himself off the wall with his foot. He walked toward me and leaned himself up against my rear. “Only I get to see that.” His voice was husky, and his words filled me with pure delight.

I was practically panting already, and I could tell it was arousing him, I could feel him starting to harden through his jeans. So what would be the harm? “Please? I’ll be so quiet you won’t even know I’m here.”

Squall chuckled and he rubbed my butt cheeks lovingly with his hand as he toyed with my waistband. “I’ll hold you to that.” We didn’t have any condoms, so long story short, he stuffed it in my butt and—

Squall cut Rinoa’s story off short. “RINOA!” His face was a dark purple and he hid it behind his hands as he fought the renewed tightness settling uncomfortably into his tight black jeans. “You cannot just tell people that!”

Rinoa’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? That’s what happened! Don’t be mad, Squally…I’ll keep it PG!”

It was a little late for that, and the guard couldn’t say much as a long stream of blood shot from his nose. He held his head back, pinching it off and turning away from the couple in embarrassment. “P-Please continue.”

“Well…all I was gonna say was, we did…that…and I had just recently had it bleached for Squall’s birthday…so it was really nice to look at, I’m sure. I spent a lot of money on that bleach job, so I didn’t really appreciate my father gagging when he barged into the room. He got really angry, per usual, and started yelling about how I should be more grateful that he was even celebrating my engagement.” Rinoa’s expression soured and she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff.

“He accused me of being a whore. I let him know that I was married, and do you know what he said to me? He was like, not yet and Timber hasn’t won its liberation quite yet either, which was more than a small threat. I had to protect the Owls, we are  _ so  _ close to independence. So yeah, Squall stomped off to go talk to my father, and I headed to the kitchen to poison the big meanie. But Zell told me the cup of tea was completely full when he knocked it over, there was no way that I killed him!” Her eyes filled with tears once more as she cradled the small dog against her chest. “I a-accidentally killed Sadie instead.”

Squall was still embarrassed and a little miffed, but he couldn’t take the sound of his love crying. He reached to gently ebb her tears from her cheek with his thumb, and the guard finally turned back around to look at them. There was blood all over his face, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing the baggie with the dagger and waving it around in front of Rinoa. “Then you stabbed him! He didn’t drink your poison, so you killed him in the bell tower with this dagger. We know this is where the crime took place, his blood is everywhere!” He gestured about the tower, which was indeed splattered with the thick coagulated substance.

“B-But I didn’t—”

“YOU STABBED YOUR FATHER, THE GENERAL, IN THIS VERY TOWER DID YOU NOT?!” The guard screamed, inching too close to her face once more.

“NO!”

Squall had had enough, and the first tear that fell from Rinoa’s eyes upon the guard’s fit of visceral rage was the final straw. His fist jammed into the guard’s jaw, effectively cracking it as he stumbled backward several feet. “Get away from her! Caraway didn’t even have an entry wound you goddamn fool!” 

He knew at an instant that he had fucked up and the color drained completely from his face. He glanced at Rinoa, who had been stunned into a quiet silence. He was relieved that the awestricken expression on her face was one full of joy; at least he knew he had done right by her, even if he had to slaughter the entire housing staff.  _ No one will separate us ever.  _ The thought to himself.  _ I’m your Knight.  _

“You care to spill the rest of those beans Commander Leonhart?” The guard’s intense gaze was boring into his soul, and Squall swallowed hard as he attempted to recover as smoothly as possible. 

“Zell told me. Don’t read more into it than is there.” He replied tersely. 

The guard smirked and leaned back in his chair lazily. Squall could see it in his eyes. He knew he’d won. “I’d tell the truth if I were you.” He gazed a long moment at Rinoa, and Squall growled protectively on instinct. “I’d hate to wrongfully place the blame on your little pet.” No one disrespected Rinoa. It was a mistake General Caraway had made more than once, and he was six feet under where he belonged. 

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Squall warned. 

The guard only laughed. “Is that an admission of guilt I’m hearing?”


	5. Squall in the Bell Tower with the Dagger

“…whatever.”

The guard wouldn’t keep his eyes off Rinoa, like he was continuously threatening her, and it was making Squall antsy. He bounced his leg up and down anxiously, and Rinoa placed a hand on his knee for moral support as the guard pulled out his cell phone. “I’m calling the police and turning Ms. Heartilly in.”

Squall jerked to his feet, nearly tripping over the legs of his chair as the force of his body toppled it over. “No! Wait! Let me…let me explain.” The guard smirked, and Squall hated himself for the way his heart hammered in his ribcage. He didn’t care what happened to him, but Rinoa wasn’t taking the fall for this. Squall ran a trembling hand through his air and blew a long sigh from his nose as he settled in to tell his account of what had happened.

It wasn’t as…fanciful…as Rinoa would make it seem. We _did_ make love, and we _did_ have an argument with her father, because apparently the asshole doesn’t know how to knock. He threatened the Forest Owls, and Rinoa got really upset. To be honest it…upset me, too. Selphie, Zell, and I have worked very hard on Timber’s liberation, it was our first big contract and we are so close to being finished. I suspect that is the real reason the General wanted Noa’s company, he wanted to convince her to drop the issue.

I got pissed off, and I told Rinoa to meet up with our friends, that _I_ would talk some sense into Caraway. We are getting married, all I wanted was for her to have a good time. I’d be just as happy signing a piece of paper at a courthouse, the wedding is for Rinoa. She wanted to celebrate our marriage, and I want her to have that. She deserves it. Fury Caraway wasn’t going to spoil it for her on my watch. He had stormed off in a rage toward the bell tower, and I followed him. I only wanted to talk, to ask him to cool it until at least after the party. If he wanted to throw blows with me then so be it, but he’d leave Rinoa out of it or we were leaving.

When I entered the tower, it looked like he was fishing around in a stack of yellowing papers on a desk in a corner of the room on the bottom level, and I cleared my throat as I watched him. He jerked a few documents out and whipped his body around to sneer at me. “I’d be careful about whose little girl you touch. I have the power to destroy what little bit of happiness you cling to, and I’m not even talking about your precious Garden.”

I growled at him and demanded to know what was in his hands. It looked like a birth certificate, and my stomach was clenched in a knot. Somehow, I knew. I don’t know how he found out, or who he had keeping tabs on Rinoa and I, but that single piece of paper could have ruined everything. I don’t like being threatened, especially not when it involves my family.

“Where did you get that?” I demanded, though I didn’t really care what his answer would be. He was going to give me that certificate, or there would be hell, that was a promise. He wouldn’t answer me, he just…laughed, and I saw red. I lunged for him, and he bolted toward the stairs.

“What did you think? I was just going to let you steal my daughter? It’s my turn now, Squall. Break up with Rinoa or this goes public within the hour.”

Caraway was skipping steps, whizzing up the tower as fast as his old legs could carry him. But I’m faster. I’m a SeeD. It took me no time at all to reach the top, and I grabbed him by his jacket as I jerked him up within an inch of my face. Rinoa and I had been through hell and back to get where we are, and no one was taking our family from us, I didn’t care who the thought he was. “I’m not asking, I’m telling. Give me my child’s birth certificate now, or you won’t live to ever see her.”

“She isn’t my granddaughter. She’s some filthy mongrel you picked off the street. You think I care about visitation?” Caraway spit in my face, and it was the final straw. I shoved him with everything that I had, and he fell backward over the tower’s high ledge. I heard his head crack and split open like a watermelon, and I walked back down the stairs to pry Rebekah’s birth certificate from his cold dead fingers. I shoved it inside my jacket and tried my best to clean up the mess, with those rags, there.

Squall pointed to the bloodied rags inside the evidence bag, and a stunned silence had filled the room. The guard hadn’t really expected such a detailed confession, and Rinoa was practically in her fiancée’s lap, vibrating affection. Rinoa was running her fingers through his hair, and she was moments away from bursting into tears. He had done it to protect her and their little girl. What more could she have ever asked for? Squall loved them so much.

“So, yeah, I killed the son of a bitch, and I’d do it again.” He muttered.

The guard was quiet for a long moment before he pointed to Squall’s leather jacket. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and he was staring at Rinoa like he expected her to be bigger. She didn’t look like she’d ever been pregnant, she still looked like a skinny teenager. “May I see the birth certificate, please?”

“No.”

Rinoa shot him a pointed look, begging him not to get himself in anymore trouble, and he grumbled as he rummaged around inside his jacket pocket for the precious folded up piece of paper. He handed it silently to the guard and chewed on his lip as it was glanced over. “Rebekah Molyneux, born at Timber General Hospital to Thomas and Martha Molyneux. So…you’re not even—”

Squall’s throat felt like it was closing, and he was gripping Rinoa’s hand so tight that his knuckles were almost iridescent. “She _is_ our daughter.” He snapped. “We found her curled up half dead with her parents remains during one of the battles for Timber’s independence. Her birth certificate was in their lock box, which was broken open, likely looted by G-Soldiers. At first we just picked her up to get her out of there, we were gonna call social services later and see if she had any family that would take her. But…Rinoa got attached and then…I sorta kinda did too, so I…”

The guard narrowed his eyes at Squall. “So you…what, exactly?”

“…I hid her birth certificate and forged another one, that lists Rinoa and I as her parents. She was a newborn, so it wasn’t too hard to file it with Balamb’s courthouse and tell them Noa had just given birth.” Squall shrugged. “We’ve been hiding her from our friends…until we figured out what to tell them.”

_Dear Hyne above, they stole a baby._ The guard put his head in his hands and groaned. This was going to be a _long_ phone call to the police. If he decided to report it. He hadn’t made his mind up yet. “I’m almost afraid to ask. What about the dagger?”

Squall’s frown soured, and his earlier irritation with Irvine reared its ugly head once more. “I pulled it off my belt and planted it there, mostly to confuse investigators, since there was no such wound on the body. I drug him to the kitchen and shoved him inside the pantry, and then went out into the garden to dispose of the rags inside the autoclave. It all would have been fine, too, if some _idiot_ hadn’t tried to blow my leg off. I don’t know what the hell he thought he was doing, practicing out there.” He muttered. Squall thought he was probably trying to impress poor Selphie into some god-awful mediocre balcony sex. Squall shuddered at the very thought that anyone would touch Irvine like that. He was sweaty and smelled like ass and dirty leather.

Out of all his friends, Squall cared for Irvine the least. His womanizing was degrading, and his cowboy getup was ridiculous. He couldn’t complain that the man didn’t love Selphie…but he thought the young SeeD could do better. Irvine was more like an unwashed moldy fungus than he was a boyfriend, he’d just grown on her.

It was almost as if Rinoa could sense he was being a meanie in his head, and she elbowed him lightly in his ribs. “Squall.”

“…what?”

“Nothing.” Rinoa laid her head on his shoulder and sighed, and her fingernails dug into his hand possessively as she gave it a squeeze. That was when it donned on him suddenly. She was afraid she was going to lose him. Fat chance in hell if he had anything to say about it. There wasn’t a guard in the whole house he wouldn’t fight to stay by her side.

The guard stood suddenly and announced that he needed to confer with the other guards about Squall’s confession. He stepped out of the room, and Squall took that as his shot in the dark. He leapt from his chair and pulled Rinoa up and into his arms. His lips molded against hers and the force behind the kiss uttered promises that he dare not speak aloud. “We’re going home to our daughter. Get on.”

Rinoa didn’t need to be told twice. She dropped poor Sadie’s corpse to the ground and climbed onto Squall’s back, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Squall made sure her grip on him was nice and tight before he backed up and bolted toward the tower’s back window at full speed. The glass shattered as they tucked and rolled, and Rinoa cast float to break their fall. “What do we do now?” It was barely a whisper, but Squall smirked at her as he shot off into the woods behind Caraway’s mansion. Deling City didn’t have a lot to offer by way of forested areas, but they were fortunate that Caraway had been wealthy enough to own about an acre of it.

“Don’t worry, Noa. I’ve got Laguna on standby waiting at the edge of the woods. He’ll help us back home to Balamb.”

He sounded so sure, and Rinoa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wow, really? Laguna came all the way here just in case something went sideways?” She was touched for all of two seconds before she felt Squall shrug.

“I should probably mention that Laguna is my Chocobo.”

_Oh, what a romantic steed._ She thought with a roll of her eyes. “You named a Chocobo after your dad?”

“…whatever.”

Back inside the mansion, the guard with the handle bar mustache watched from the window with a shake of his head. “Well, shit. They escaped.” He drawled nonchalantly, taking a big bite out of his Magic Moogle bar and smacking his lips. He was scratching a wedgie out of his butt when the guard who had interrogated Selphie and Irvine walked in behind him. “Wedge, where did our killer run off to? Did you already lose them?”

He shrugged. “Calm, down, Biggs. It ain’t like we were really gonna turn them in anyway. Ain’t that right, Jessie?” The female guard had entered in behind Biggs and she nodded with a gentle laugh.

“How long do you think it will take them to notice no one is actually after them?”

Wedge pulled a tiny comb from the pocket of his short shorts and brushed the dried blood from his nose bleed out of his stache. “Who cares? Ms. Heartilly should have known better, we _all_ hated her old man. Just wanted to have a little fun with ‘em was all.”

A coy smile played at the corner of Jessie’s lips and she flipped her hair over her shoulder dramatically, like she was pleased with herself. “Wanna help me stuff him in the woodchipper? Ms. Julia would have thought that was funny.”

Biggs and Wedge both pushed their fancy aviator sunglasses up their nose and grinned. “It’s time to get Cara-flayed.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to Square Enix.


End file.
